Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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