Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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