He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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