You're my little dorito
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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