Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
