So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
