i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
