Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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