u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
