worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
