I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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