Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
