What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
