I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
