Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
