All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
