i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
