I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I lost the right to judge tonight
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
