i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
