a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
