it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
