can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
