we have officially lost it.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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