Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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