I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
