The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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