So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize