Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
