R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
