I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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