I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
