considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize