I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
