Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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