i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
