Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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