Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
