I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
