Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
