don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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