please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
