The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
