The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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