There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
