I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
