the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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