i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize