i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
