Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
