Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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