Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
