Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
