yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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