Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
