bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
