I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
