Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
