He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
