so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
