So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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