so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
