how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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