I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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