Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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