I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
