my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
