you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
