I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
