someone owes me an orgasm
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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