Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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