I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When did angry sex become our thing?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
