Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
