Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
