Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
