I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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