the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
we're so committed to being not committed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
