I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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