Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
