So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
